Lately I’ve been a little obsessive about dissecting my social encounters. I run through my reactions and what was said and how it could have been better. I guess I can be a little hard on myself, but it’s almost been like a course in learning how to act, too. Haha. I had bad social anxiety as a teenager and into my early 20’s, especially when interacting with the general public. I never knew what to say and sucked at small talk. Most of that has subsided in the past couple of years, especially recently, which is why it’s kind of weird that I’m replaying my steps so much more aggressively now. I suppose before all I wanted to do was be out of the situation, and now I kind of like the situation - I just want to get better.
I made this painting while I was running over a recent interaction in my mind. I felt offended by something someone said to me and got defensive instead of taking a moment to settle on the best response. It probably wasn't even a noticeable thing to anyone else, but for some reason I just couldn't let it go. These acrylic abstracts are so therapeutic for me; they really help me work through things that are going on in my life, whether serious or trivial. I felt a lot better after zoning into this painting for a while and mulled over this whole issue of second-guessing myself and re-re-retracing my steps. It always helps me to remember that we are all just trying to live side-by-side with one another the best we can. No one always has the perfect interactions. No one always has the perfect thing to say or reacts the perfect way. The person who made the offending remark may have gone home thinking about how they shouldn't have said that, just as I went home thinking about how I shouldn't have been so defensive. I was able to let go of the situation by painting my way through it.
This piece definitely went through the roller coaster stages of like it, hate it, love it, ehhh, and yay, it's coming to life again! I was really trying to push myself but felt like it was hard to break through familiar patterns. I think I made some progress, though! Plus, check it out! This is my first painting since adopting my new logo, and I've decided to paint it on the side of my canvas in addition to signing the front as I normally do. Eee. What do you think? This works well since I usually paint the sides either black or white depending on the overall feel of the painting.
I hope your Monday is going well and you're getting some things done! Thanks for stopping by here today. If you'd like to see more regular art adventures and behind-the-scenes, come join me on Instagram! If you are new to my work, have a look at my home page and choose your own adventure! :) Talk soon, friends!